Top nine things athletes should know about the Vancouver 2010 Olympics

9. 49.9 per cent of the people in this city are pissed that you’re coming here.

8. Whistler is 150 km away and it’s going to be an eight-hour drive.

7. We may be missing one very important feature during the games. It’s called snow.

6. Our mayor will not be competing in the paralympics.

5. We are depending on these 16 days to fix our economy forever, so don’t mess up.

4. If you’re not a hockey player, we are not interested in your little dream.

3. We don’t know what our Olympic logo (the heap of rocks) is or means either.

2. Whistler is full of Australians and we apologize in advance.

1. Ross Rebagliati’s dealer will be taking advance orders starting 2007.